Who cares. Fuck it. It’s Christmas and the T-shirt was a present from Laurie. We all did gifts, even though I wasn’t sure if I should get something for Shane, since he’s Laurie’s boyfriend and more Kevin’s friend than mine. So we went in together (Kevin & I) and got him the latest copies of NME and Melody Maker since he’s cheap and won’t buy them for himself and just borrows ours all the time and forgets to give them back.

My parents are at some overnight work party of my Dad’s in the mountains, so we don’t have to worry about hiding our drinks or waking them up. Everyone is just going to crash here, but I told Laurie she could absolutely not have sex with Shane in my parents’ house. It’s not that I care so much about the sex itself, but if they do then I have to clean the bed sheets of whatever bed they use and I don’t know how to use the new washer my Dad gave my Mom as an early Christmas present. If anyone ever buys me a washer as a gift I will kill myself. I swear I will. That is not a proper gift.

*

Image: The Ramones, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

Okay, so maybe she was right. I’ve always known that Kevin liked me. I mean, we’ve been friends forever and alight, I sort of know that he’s had a crush on me since second grade, but I never expected something like tonight to happen.

We were at the dance, which was mostly lame, but the DJ played a couple of good songs. We were all dancing in a group, not that across-from-each-other-in-a-line, girls-on-one-side-boys-on-the-other like everyone else, but more like it is at a real club.

So, they’re playing New Order, and it’s fun, but then the loser DJ mixes it into a slow song, and not only a slow song, but the worst slow song ever: Lady in Red by Chris De Burgh. It is the worst. But Kevin thinks it would be funny if we dance because I’m wearing a red-and-black sweater, so we do, but then he gets a boner and I just about die, and now all I do is think about it with Laurie’s voice in my head going, “I told you so, I told you so.”

*

Image: Chris De Burgh, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

Kevin and I are talking again — obviously. He finally got over himself. Plus, it was getting really awkward at school, especially since we’re science partners. I’m not even sure why we’re getting each other gifts when we ask each other for exactly one thing that we want that our parents’ would never get us so we’re pretty much guaranteed to get it and we do this every single year. I suppose I could get him something else. I know what he likes. I just didn’t know he liked Judas Priest. I’m still not completely convinced that he really does, or that he really should. I don’t know if I can condone his new affection for metal.

He says it’s not that different than punk, and that if I gave it a proper try then I would understand. He even said I could open the record if I buy it for him and play it or tape it before giving it to him. But I don’t know. I mean, there’s a line. There’s a line between metal and punk. There’s a line between right and wrong and this feels wrong.

*

Image: Rob Halford and K.K. Downing of Judas Priest, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

Today when I came home from school the package with the book was waiting for me. My mother was all like, “This came for you today.” And I was like, “Thanks,” and snatched it away from her, heading for the basement and the little room. She didn’t dare ask what it was, though I know she was dying to. That’s why I have to figure out what to do with it while I’m at school.

I suppose I could take it with me and keep it in my locker or carry it around with my books, but then the risk of someone seeing it and looking inside would be too great. I would be absolutely horrified if anyone I knew saw it. I still can’t believe I entered that stupid contest after Mr. Walls, my creative writing teacher suggested it. And then that I won a prize for that awful poem I wrote. I can’t even look at it now. I mean, I wrote it over a year ago. It sucks and now it’s forever in this book of whiny teen poetry from around the world that I wish didn’t exist. But I’m definitely cashing the $25 cheque.\

*

Image: David Byrne and Tina Weymouth of Talking Heads, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

I don’t want to think about that so I turn the music up another notch. I don’t want to think about much of anything these days. I go to school, come home, do homework, listen to music in the little room, go to sleep, wake up, do it all again. Laurie keeps bugging me to come for a sleepover, but I’m not in the mood. And now my parents are all whispery around me and acting weird. My Mom keeps asking why I’m not talking on the phone or hanging out with Kevin or Laurie. She says she’s worried which is pretty hypocritical since she was always complaining that I was on the phone too much. You’d think she’d be happy.

Don’t You Want Me may be the perfect song. It’s catchy. It’s from a British band so I can forgive the whole Top 40 thing. You can dance to it. And the lyrics, when you really stop and listen, are totally true. It’s over with Mark forever. Kevin and I aren’t speaking. Laurie is always obsessing about Shane. Nobody wants me. It’s time to move on.

*

Image: The Human League, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

I’m sitting in the little room with the radio on. Bryan Adams is playing like he always is because the government says that over 30 per cent of all the music any radio station plays has to be Canadian now. They can do what they want, but it’s not going to make most Canadian music suck any less. And stupid AM radio station is hardly going to play any good Canadian bands like D.O.A. or Skinny Puppy are they?

I flick the dial to the university station and think about how Kevin and I talk about this Canadian content thing all the time. Now I don’t know if I should be talking to him at all. He “can’t hear” me talk any more about Mark whatever that’s supposed to mean. Just because we broke up doesn’t mean we’re not going to be in each other’s lives. He still has a bunch of my records so I need to talk to him to get them back. And if Kevin and I were really friends he could deal with the occasional mention of Mark. He’s completely exaggerating when he says I talk about him all the time.

*

Image: Bryan Adams, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

It would have been okay, I guess, if Mark hadn’t crashed it with Troy, Craig and some girl dressed as a panda. Plus, the loser DJ played Michael Jackson’s Thriller no less than three times and now I can’t get it out of my head. To make it worse, every time I hear it in my head, I also see the video which is overplayed at the best of times, but all the channels have to play it around Halloween. I even saw a clip of it on the local news the other day and the hosts were trying to imitate the zombie dance, but behind the desk in their suits so it was extra-embarrassing. I think I turned red just watching it.

It’s over now — all of it. The dance, the incessant playing of Thriller, Mark and his panda girlfriend or whatever she is, Halloween. I’m back in the little room now, eating mini chocolate bars left over from my parents’ trick-or-treating stash, and trying not to think about anything, but thoughts of everything keep flooding my head. I hate school dances. I hate Halloween.

*

Image: Michael Jackson, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

I put in a mix tape and the first song is ABC’s The Look of Love. How appropriate. I take a big drag and blow out the smoke in rings. My world is full of strange arrangements indeed.

When Laurie started going out with Kevin’s best friend Shane it was sort of funny, but there was no way it would last. That was three months ago, and now it’s become sickening. Like tonight, the four of us were hanging out at Laurie’s watching MuchMusic because she’s the only one of us who has pay-TV, but it’s not like her and Shane were watching at all. They made out the whole time, right there in front of us. We couldn’t leave either unless we wanted to take the bus, which was not an option. Shane was our ride.

I don’t know what’s happening with Laurie. I mean, she would have been the first one to be grossed out if someone was making out in front of her for three hours. At the very least she would have mocked them. But now that she’s “in love” apparently it’s perfectly fine. I will never get those three hours back.

*

Image: ABC, MTV: Who’s Who in Rock Video, Zomba Books, 1983.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

We were not wrong. I mean, we have to submit the lyrics to the Mr. Johnson the vice-principal before he lets us play anything so we just photocopy the liner notes. Like I said, it’s not that hard to find out what the proper lyrics are. And speaking of the Heart of Glass lyrics, we had to find a copy of the so-called “radio version” of the song before we could play it because in the album version at the end she says “as,” like “soon turned out to be a pain in the ass.” As if ass is even a swear word.

But back to Pete. He thinks he’s some sort of music-knowledge god and he doesn’t even know the right words to a song that’s been out for five years. Ass.

*

Image: Debbie Harry of Blondie, as featured in The New Music, Harmony Books, 1981.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.

Today after school was my first day working at the library. This older lady, Gladys, kept following me around, making sure I was shelving the books correctly. She was literally breathing on my neck, she stood so close behind me. She smelled like old people mints and lavender perfume. I wanted to gag.

It’s not rocket science, scanning the books in, putting them in order on the cart, then placing them back in their proper place on the shelves, but Gladys seemed to think she needed to follow me the whole time. I mean, if they didn’t think I could put books in numerical order why did they hire me in the first place?

Every year the library hires two new “pages,” as they call us, which is totally cringy. My friend Laurie applied, too, but I got one of the positions and she didn’t. Now she’s getting a job at McDonald’s, which sucks for her. She says she’s happy for me, but when she showed me her brown polyester uniform I felt really bad.

*

Image: Kate Bush, as featured in The New Music, Harmony Books, 1981.

Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.